Monday, October 29, 2018

Monday Recap: Chaotic Grand Finale

The Lord of Chaos is coming...
Well, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, elves, kobolds, and others, this is it. The end of Chaos Quest. Their prank-filled journey finally comes to a close, just in time for the holidays. And of course, the crew decided to go out with a hilarious ensemble of pranks and battles that will certainly lead into the next campaign.

This story is part 9 of a series. The campaign is complete.
Previous Campaign | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 |

Campaign of Chaos: Chaotic Grand Finale

Cast of Characters
Jon: Dungeon Master
Shannon: Cressen Juhl, Fallen Aasimar Trickery Cleric of Ralishaz, hates their dad Pholtus
Cody: Myst, Tabaxi Rogue, likes the shiny and shoots the arrows
Quinn: Jakky, Darkling Shadow Monk, sneaks into places to do a murder
Wade: Agne, Kobold Warlock of the Great Old Ones, killed his family for creepy powers
Wes: Magic Man, Drow Transumation Wizard, kind of creepy, teaches magical life lessons
NPC: ArtoriusVoid Dragon Wyrmling, hangs out with Agne

When we last left the crew, they had finished helping out a Mind Flayer colony on the moon and were beginning construction on their very own moon base. Mr. Lizard was building a huge structure hidden beneath large construction sheets, which the crew didn't know anything about. However, they had heard nasty rumors that dozen of Mind Flayers had already died in its construction. The base would take a few weeks to build, so the crew decided to keep themselves busy with a series of ever-escalating pranks on their companions and each other.

It all started when an arrow Myst had absentmindedly shot into orbit came back down and hit Magic Man in the back during dinner. Magic man responded by transforming into a giant tentacle and slapping Myst across the face. Cressen thought this was hilarious, and modified Magic Man's memory to make him share tons of tentacle pictures with an unsuspecting Agne. Agne, who was using his void dragon's Gravity Breath to send random Mind Flayers into space, was also accosted by Jakky, who used his playing cards to pretend to give a deathly portent of doom to Agne. Agne, unconvinced of the validity of the reading, threw the "tarot" cards into space as well.

Meanwhile, over a game of moon-badminton (which is nearly impossible to play, the shuttlecock goes really high and the boundaries of the court get really out of hand), Mr. Lizard mentioned that he had been receiving stolen magical research from the Yuan-Ti named Ilsa the crew had left back in Auraglow. He had learned that there were many other planets in the multiverse, and nearly all of them have patron Gods. A planet under the control of Pelor would only have humans, a planet under the control of Moradin would only have dwarves, etc. Ahneria was a bit different, in that it was a contested planet, and a large variety of sentient creatures could be found there. There must also be a God for the moon, and Mr. Lizard wanted to figure out who it was.

Over the next few days, the prank war escalated. Myst helped Agne fake his death to trick Jakky into thinking his tarot reading was real. Cressen joined in the fun, making it rain on Jakky's robes and telling him not to be a wet blanket. Jakky, realizing who was behind the deception, proceeded to knock over Myst's water bowl. Meanwhile, Agne decided to turn the Elder Brain's brine pool into a nice bubble bath, which Magic Man immediately went skinny dipping in. He tried to seduce the Elder Brain, but since he was allergic to love, his attempt failed when he swelled up grotesquely.

While Magic Man recovered, Mr. Lizard and Cressen sat down for a game of Chaos-Chess (a terrible game with few rules that usually devolves into who can kill their opponent first using only chess pieces). Mr. Lizard mentioned (while eating Cressen's rook) that if they could find the Moon God and kill/banish them, the moon would be without a patron. The Chaos-God Ralishaz had been banned from setting foot on any world in the material plane, but if the Moon-God was gone, they might be able to summon Ralishaz to help the cause. Cressen was quite excited about this, until Mr. Lizard stabbed them with a queen.

Over at the partially-completed moon base, Myst had responded to the previous pranks by knocking Jakky's water off the table. Jakky tried to retaliate, but everyone was put off by Magic Man following them around getting drunk on blood-and-onion beer. Jakky instead turned to whispering things at Agne right before he fell asleep, and Agne began using the frozen corpses of Mind Flayers as puppets to never appear alone. Cressen decided to bless the engine room of the Skyfortress, making it a monument to Chaos, a place for their Word of Recall spell to return to, and effectively an engine of Chaos.

Giant steps are what you take, walking on the moon
That evening, over a game of Trivial Pursuit (the categories of which were "Mr. Lizard", "Fabulous Dragonborn", "Chaos Sorcerers", "Red Dragonborn of Evil", and "People Using Pseudonyms"), Mr. Lizard laid out his plan. Soon, his big building - a Chaos arena - would be complete. He would use his magic to summon servants of the Moon God, Thoth, until Thoth was annoyed enough to show up himself. Then, they would banish him (without killing him), leaving the moon uncontested. With that, Ralishaz could come forth and the crew would become truly chaotic! Everyone agreed this was a good plan. Mr. Lizard Disintegrated Cressen's game piece.

Jakky, now able to enter the outskirts of this Chaos arena, decided to graffiti it up with "Pholtus was here" memes. Myst gave Cressen a book titled "Gothic Music to Feel Sad To" (by famed musical group My Acidic Romance) but was actually filled with corny romantic ballads by the notoriously cheesy bard Col D. Play. Cressen put it to good use, though, following Magic Man around playing songs from the book to annoy him. Meanwhile, Magic Man tricked Agne into eating super spicy curry, so spicy it made his brain hurt. Agne took his frustration out on Myst by convincing him the moon was made of cheese. Myst saw through the ruse, however, and Agne responded by launching Myst into orbit. There, Myst played poker with frozen Mind Flayers until he came back down. By the end of it, he had lost quite a bit of money.

The arena was nearing completion, and the pranks were only getting worse. Myst took a page out of Agne's book and tried to convince everyone that the moon was actually just a fake room, concealed by an illusion. Cressen used their spiritual weapon to make a laser pointer and distract Myst, while Jakky used his Shadow Step to pull off the ultimate shoulder-tapping prank. Magic Man ended up pranking himself by turning his pet slugs (which he had the whole time) into spiders and then letting them crawl all over him. Agne made the spiders much larger to crush Magic Man, but the odd elf didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

Finally, the day came for the ultimate showdown between the Chaos Crew and the Servants of Thoth. Mr. Lizard played MC to a packed arena, filled with Mind Flayers both aligned with and opposed to chaos. Every minion the crew had collected was there, cheering, and even the Elder Brain had showed up to watch the Chaotic Crew be put in their place.

The first champion summoned forth was a planetar angel called Austinius the 316th. He seemed upset to realize that Mr. Lizard had tricked him into being summoned, but didn't have time enough to do anything before the Chaos Crew attacked. They blasted away with spells, hammers, swords, and arrows at the angel of knowledge. Magic Man summoned a giant fist (with tentacle fingers of course) to slap the angel around, while Myst did backflips and fired arrows from his magic bow.

Jakky used his hammer, Whelm, to smack the angel in the face, and began to draw the support of both sides of the crowd. Because he was covered in ornate robes, the crowd simply began chanting "Blanket!" to cheer him on. Meanwhile, Agne and Artorius attempted to hold the celestial down with their gravity breath and grasping tentacles. It was a very tentacle-filled evening.

Yeah, this guy looks like a real chump.
Finally, Cressen, using their spiritual weapon (in the form of a Mind Flayer the group had dubbed "Gary"), ran the angel through and he discorporated. The crowd cheered and booed, and the crew was lead back into the locker rooms to prep for their next big fight. Blanket had to shake off his adoring fans, and Cressen cast Beacon of Hope to help the party heal up. They also came up with wrestling names to use in the next match. They were as follows:
  • Myst: "Rogue"
  • Agne: [eldritch muttering]
  • Artorius: Bob
  • Jakky: Rug Mysterio
  • Cressen: Mind Freak
  • Magic Man: Underweartaker

A bell rang, and the crew came back into the arena. Mr. Lizard introduced them by their stage names, and most of the crowd cheered. Of course, the Mind Flayers could telepathically tell who the crew was, so the names were more for show. Mr. Lizard began the ritual to summon another creature of Thoth into the arena, and the crew tensed for battle.

This time, two angels appeared, who called themselves Randall and Hogana. Mr. Lizard declared the match a Tag Team battle, and the crew leapt forward.

Hogana immediately rushed into the back lines of the crew to attack Myst, while Randall stayed in the front against Cressen and Jakky. The angels attacked with maces, and could heal each other with a touch. The crew decided to focus on one of them at a time, and try to keep them separated.

Cressen turned the tide of battle by infecting Randall with the terrible disease Slimy Doom. Randall began bleeding out of everywhere, and Hogana tried to rush to save him. However, as she did, she was pummeled to death by hammers, swords, arrows, and magic from the entire crew. The group made quick work of Randall afterwards, ending the fight even more quickly than the first.

The crowd was going wild, and even the stoic Elder Brain seemed to be getting into it. Chaos was infusing the entire stadium, and as the crew left for their inter-match respite they could hear the crowds roaring at their stellar performance.

This time, during the break, Mr. Lizard came down to the locker rooms and gave the crew a pump-up speech. He told them that their next fight would be a big one, and probably would end with Thoth himself showing up. They needed to be on their game! The crew healed up using some potions and Cressen's magic, and got everything prepped to head back out into the arena.

As they returned, the crowd roared. Mr. Lizard had been hyping up the next match, and now the entire arena was on the edge of their seats with anticipation. The Planar Ally spell was cast once again, and this time a resplendent angel was summoned into the ring. Not any angel, though - Capitosus, the Solar of Knowledge, one of the 24 Aspects of Pelor. Mr. Lizard announced him as John Capitosus-ena, which annoyed the celestial. After a quick assessment of the situation, the angel turned invisible, and the match began.

Less chump-like... perhaps we should be afraid instead
The crew cautiously looked around for the celestial, getting into position and preparing attacks in case he reappeared. When he did so, he appeared in a flash of light near the top of the anti-escape dome that covered the ring. He fired down arrows upon the crew, wounding Cressen and Artorius, the two who could clearly fly up and reach him.

The crew began to launch magical attacks and projectiles up towards the angel, but his position and speed were great enough to stop nearly all of the assault. Myst got a lucky shot with his Oathbow, which he used to designate the Solar as his sworn enemy. Finally, Cressen and Arotrius reached the zenith of the arena, only for Capitusus to teleport away, releasing his sword to fight Artorius in midair.

He reappeared in the middle of the ring, where Jakky and Agne had set up camp. Jakky leapt forward, dodging in and out of shadows to strike with Whelm, while Agne tried to restrain the angel and slip away. Magic Man unleashed his giant hand once again, this time grabbing Capitosus and crushing him as best he could. However, the celestial responded to this assault by teleporting away once again, leaving a bright flash that temporarily blinded Jakky.

With a flash of light, he reappeared at the edge of the ring, close enough to try to blind Myst. While his sword fought Artorius high above the arena, he fired off a shot from his magical longbow. Myst dodged, but desperately wanted the longbow for himself. Cressen landed and took a swing with their sword, but not before Capitosus teleported away once more.

The group couldn't keep up with the angel, and Jakky took his chance to throw Whelm once again. He scored a hit so powerful that chaos magic began to swirl around Capitosus, stripping the Solar of his ability to teleport. The enraged celestial responded with a shot from his longbow, and although Jakky managed to catch the arrow, it exploded in a burst of light that slew Jakky on the spot. The crowd gasped. Blanket had been destroyed!

However, even with such a victory, it was too late for Capitosus. Agne restrained him with grasping tentacles once again, and Magic Man's giant fist slammed into him. Without the ability to teleport, the angel had no way to escape the assault. Myst fired off an arrow that nearly killed him, and Magic Man finished the job with a blast of fire. The longbow that Myst had coveted went up in flames, and the sword and celestial disappeared in a flash of light.

The crowd went wild, and Mr. Lizard descended on the ring. He told everyone that the final match was coming up soon, and the crew had only a few minutes to prepare. To help them out, he cast the Catnap spell on the group, allowing them to rest and recover in only a few minutes. Meanwhile, he brought Jakky back to life. The chaotic nature of his magic, however, meant Jakky returned as a High Elf instead of a Darkling. The crowd ooh-ed and aah-ed as Jakky stood up from underneath the blanket, revealing a lithe and beautiful high elf form. The crowd was shocked: their hero, Blanket, was a gorgeous high elf! Jakky's fan club doubled immediately.

Just as the rest of the crew was waking up, Mr. Lizard got on the microphone once again. Thoth himself was coming, and it was time to fight! Mr. Lizard flew up to the top of the arena, preparing a spell to weaken the God down to a manageable form for the Crew to fight.

Sure enough, the God of the Moon, Patron of Knowledge, Thoth, showed up and looked around the arena a bit. He was a small, robed man with glasses, and seemed worried about all these angels being summoned here to the moon and not returning. Mr. Lizard immediately blasted him with a terrible spell to weaken him, and the crew leapt into action one last time.

Thoth calmly walked over the Jakky, while causing terrible illusions to appear to Myst and frighten him. Jakky threw the hammer at him, but it harmlessly passed through the God. The group was worried for a moment, but fortunately Cressen realized that Thoth had merely cast a Mislead spell as a duplicate of him appeared next to Agne. The crew quickly figured out which Thoth was an illusion, and resumed their assault.

He doesn't look like a God...
Cressen, hoping to get direct support from their God Ralishaz, prayed for divine intervention to help them against Thoth. After all, stopping Thoth would allow the God of Chaos to return to the mortal realm. However, there was no answer to Cressen's prayer. Instead, Mr. Lizard shot down a Harm spell, claiming that he was all the help they needed. Meanwhile, Agne began dispelling the nightmarish illusions affecting the crew's senses.

Thoth used his mind to grapple Artorius, while casting another nightmare illusion at Jakky. He tried to confuse Magic Man with a spell, but Magic Man's behavior barely changed. He stood there for a few seconds and then went back to blasting spells. Myst loosed an arrow charged with magic (since now Thoth was his favored enemy as well), and the Confusion spell ended.

Magic Man sent a blast of fire at Thoth, and chaos magic caused the two of them to switch vision for a moment. Magic Man closed his eyes, blinding the God, while through Thoth's vision Magic Man saw the true form of Mr. Lizard. However, Thoth quickly dispelled the effect and caused more frightening illusions. Jakky, who had been using his hammer Whelm to great effect, was now grappled by Thoth's mind. But the God was starting to weaken, and Mr. Lizard reminded the crew they needed to take him alive.

Myst decided to look under the staged arena and pulled out a Vorpal Sword, which seemed like just the thing to conk Thoth on the head with. But before he could, Artorius took a bite out of the God that was infused with the cold of the void. Thoth collapsed, barely on the edge of life.

Mr. Lizard rushed down, demanding an object, any object, to put Thoth into before he recovered. Magic Man threw out the Wand of Wonder, an artifact of ultimate Chaos. Mr. Lizard shrugged, then put Thoth into his Chaotic prison.

With that, the arena crowd burst into applause, even the lawful Mind Flayers cheering for the victory of the Crew. Cressen was very excited - they were going to summon Ralishaz, the God of Chaos! Mr. Lizard smiled, and then exploded into a mass of chaotic energy.

The crew was shocked, but the swirling form quickly coalesced back down into the familiar Red Dragonborn form. Mr. Lizard revealed that he had chosen to become the avatar of Ralishaz not too long ago, and now that the moon was God-free, the Lord of Chaos could return and get to work conquering reality. But first, Ralishaz could grant the wishes of those who had served him so faithfully.

The entire crew suddenly felt themselves surging with power. Their abilities were sharper, they gained new and better magic, and their gear was decked out in chaotic magical bling. Cressen, who had long prayed for Ralishaz to grant them the power to go to the Nine Hells and rescue their mother, was sent off immediately. Jakky, unpleased with his elven body, was transformed into a Darkling Elder. Myst got a pile of chocolate-milk-making goblets and shiny objects, and Agne and Artorius gained supercharged magic and became near-immortal.

Finally, since someone had to go back in time and make sure the skyfortress was built, Magic Man was sent back to when the Mind Flayers were first colonizing the moon. They asked him who he was, and he told them he was Magic Man, here to place a huge order.

As chaotic homunculi rained down from the moon towards Ahneria, Mr. Lizard's plan finally came to fruition. And if he isn't stopped, the world, or reality itself, will turn completely into chaos.

(Evil Laughter)
Well, that's it! the Campaign of Chaos is complete!

Of course, this and Dragonborn Quest are both setting up for the next campaign, but with the holidays coming up I don't think we'll have much time to play until 2019. Maybe the blog will be back by then! Who knows? Not me (yet)!

But the massive amount of funding Kreev found at the end of Dragonborn Quest will allow him to fund the search for the greatest heroes known in Ahneria, and then send them on a whirlwind adventure to stop the forces of Chaos raining down on Ahneria. Of course, I'm already getting started on the prep work, but we won't see recaps for that until next year.

Thanks for reading!

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